THE FOUR SELVES; 4) MY FUTURE SELF

My Future Self???? Oh God, WHO KNOWS?????? I do LOVE the crazy pink outfit though. It would be a blast to have somewhere to wear that. Other than that, well heck, "Art in America"? If you are going to dream, might as well dream BIG!

THE FOUR SELVES; 3) THE SPIRITUAL SELF

My Spiritual Self is also fairly straight forward. This part of myself is about truth, beauty, compassion and letting go; finding a calm center within even though there are storms outside,cultivating discipline and appreciating what I have.

I find joy often in small things. I try not to get bogged down by other people's stuff or their projections on me. I try and live my truth. I try and do good in the world even if it's as simple as not reacting when someone is being irrational with me.

I am not a Buddhist even though I have used a lot of Buddhist imagery. I do have a serious practice studying Hinduism.

P.S. I have a pretty strong obsession with cherry blossoms! It has calmed down in the last couple of years but I am still very drawn to them. I looked up the symbolism for them a year or so ago and they said that they represent spiritual beauty. Maybe that's why I have my whole right arm tattooed with them!

THE FOUR SELVES; 2) THE SECRET SELF

My Secret Self is actually pretty straight forward. She is a wild child who plays in the forest with wolves and deer and sleeps in piles of dried Autumn leaves.

She lives off of the forest and whatever she can steal from the surrounding farms. She is ODD, and doesn't bath regularly. She has branches and leaves in her hair.

There is more I could say about her, but then she wouldn't be secret......

THE FOUR SELVES;1) THE PUBLIC SELF

Here is my 'Public Self". So much of my public identity has been wrapped up in my career as a Chef/cook.

People and family have labeled me with this identity because it is easy, identifiable and socially acceptable. I have also let myself be labeled as well; perhaps because I was not sure of anything else to identify with.... or maybe I just wasn't ready yet.

Even though the figure is working hard, rolling out cookie dough, the eyes and the lips are pleasant and good looking. You must still be attractive even if you are sweating in a hot kitchen for 8+ hours a day!

There is another meaning though as well; the eyes and mouth are in a different direction than the rest of the figure. They appear to be looking back but maybe they are just looking elsewhere. Maybe the eyes and mouth are dreaming of a different direction even as the hands are working hard and rolling out cookie dough for the masses.

Since this role is also about customer service, a smile and a pleasant disposition is always necessary as well. Sometimes all this makes me feel like a 1950's housewife.

RIGHT SIDE UP!! :)

ARTIST LIFE SPIRAL

SORRY, this pic is upside down...perhaps not a bad thing though, could give a different perspective on things. Hopefully folks will be able to get a jist of things from the closeups also.

I really liked the readings on symbols. The idea that has most stuck in my head is the concept of "symbols can not be seperated from their meaning". Which makes me think back to a previous reading that talked about how we are limited by the symbols that we use. They have their limitations as to what they can express even at the same time as they try to express things that 'cannot quite be grasped'.

I also appreciated all the examples in the first reading and how the author wrote very plainly about a subject that could become quite confusing.

It was interesting comparing signs v.s. symbols and how signs have no 'excess meaning' and can be replaced according to what is current. The distinction is never something that I have thought about before. What also resonated with me is that not everyone thinks in symbols or symbology and not everyone accepts symbols. As the author says, "In order to actually experience symbols as symbols...we must be prepared to respond emotionally". So engaging the emotions is an intrinsic part of using, reading and interpreting symbols.

All this information was good for me to have in the background as I worked on my spiral. I realized that the symbols that I used have personal significance to ME but now I also have a broader understanding that they might also have significance and meaning for someone else. This new awareness around using symbols is and will be very important to me as I incorporate more symbols into my artwork.

Fleshy with Stilletos

The collage has been on my closet door for a week now.....I keep looking at it and noticing the contrast in colors between the top and the bottom (the more blue is actually on top). The bottom is so fleshy...fleshy with stilletos.

All week I've been looking at it and thinking, "what will I post, what will I post....". It seems redundant to say the obvious; that I(we) am bombarded with images of how I 'should' look, behave, act, live etc. etc. It is so obvious, so infused in our culture, it is like saying "the leaves on that tree are green". And still, I am under it's influence on a day to day basis. The fashion models get thinner and younger and I get older and thicker around the middle.

So, on that note, it is pretty depressing.... there MUST be another note to follow.

Ah, found one! Last nite I was visiting with my friend G. (not her real initial). We were talking about art, phsycology, drinking and smoking. G was having some white wine that I had brought and I was drinking non-alcoholic beer. G was also smoking a cig and I was very jealous of both her alcohol consumption and her nicotine consumption. I am on a 41 day abstinence from all my favorite things; meat, alcohol and cigarettes (actually don't eat meat but i love fish). We were talking about the cliche of the 'tortured' artist and how they are always drinking and smoking (humbling to realize that you are a cliche) and that there is this myth that to get in touch with with that deeper darker place you have to be self destructive to do so. G. had a genius insite as she smoked her parliment and drank her chardonnay; it's just more glamorous and sexy. It's more glamorous and sexy but it doesn't really get you there. It doesn't really get you into the juicy, gritty, soul stuff that I am supposed to be getting into as an artist. IN FACT, said G., it just serves as a big distraction. I thought this to be a very true and insightful observation.

So, getting back to the collage...all the flesh, cleavage and stilletos are very glamorous and sexy. They are what glamorous and sexy are all about. And even though I appreciate glamorous and sexy and find it very fun on occasion, it isn't what it is all about. It isn't what I'm about and it isn't what real women are about and it isn't what life is all about. It is fantasy. Fun, but fantasy.

So, the bigger question... why do we feel so compelled to distract ourselves SO much and so completely for most of our lives??? What are we running/hiding from? Why is it so scary? Who can show us the way out? Perhaps my readers would like to comment on this question?